Friday, February 29, 2008

someone who used to be dearest to me.
someone who i trust.
someone who i dont doubt in whatever he/she has said.
i gave my trust.
i believe in him/her.
i dont doubt him/her.
i gave freedom.
but wad do i get in the end?
my trust is taken advantage of.
i was living in all the lies made.
i am just a fucking dumb asshole to believe in all that he/she says.
i am a fucking idiot to allow him/her to have the chance to play with my trust.

trust.
how am i supposed to trust anyone again?
a painful lesson learnt.
thanks for teaching me.

Purely Writen by weiqi at 12:04 PM

are u concern how much hurt that u have caused?
or are u concern with the one that u are loving now?
just a few days difference, changes are drastic.

ya. ending it is the best solution for us or for u to have a chance to get tgt with the one u love now?
how am i supposed to believe in what u told me when u have lied to me.
lied not once. countless times on the same issue.

sigh.
i am just disappointed. hurt.
i dunno wad else to do.
just have to make sure i move on and make sure i lead a better life.

i wish to recall the good times we had tgt.
but the truth that you have uncovered, buried them all.
a facade?
15 months of facade?

hurt.terribly.

Purely Writen by weiqi at 12:43 AM

Thursday, February 28, 2008

OMG....
i am totally SHOCKED.STUNNED.ASTONISHED.
haha.
and OVERWHELMED.

cant believe that it actually happened.
were my eyes blind?
or my heart has no sensor?
haha.
or my trust is easily played around?

oh my tian.
i am gg crazy and mad.
like seriously.
haha.
someone help me!!!!

Purely Writen by weiqi at 8:23 PM

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

i am lost.
i am really lost.
this time round, should i love you more or should i love myself more?

clear stand and reasons made.
are they valid? i am not sure.

2 more days.
i hate to countdown.

wad do i exactly want?
is there anything else that i can do now to make u feel?
please tell me there is still love.
please tell me u still feel.
please tell me u care.
please tell me u still treasure.
please tell me u still want it.

wad has exactly gone wrong?

Purely Writen by weiqi at 4:24 AM

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

2 hrs of slp.
woken up by nightmare.
soring eyes.
how long will i need to recover?

Purely Writen by weiqi at 9:56 AM

Monday, February 25, 2008

finally i get my emotional intelligence working.
before things go out of control.

15 has just passed.
the beginning of Jan to mid Feb werent good months.
days which we struggled, felt forced, questioning and questioning ourselves.
after the 14th, indirectly, we arrived a conclusion.
after 14 till 24. best days ever since 2008 started off.
they are the days which i have clearly expressed all my thoughts.
and i realised how much i have been not totally expressing myself for the past 13 to 14 months.
its always the negatives that are more than the positives.
i have changed. i realised how easy things could have been if i have expressed myself more.
but, i am too late.

damages have been done.
the scars that stay.
the unpleasant words that still resonate around your ears.
the unpleasant feelings that haunt you whenever you think abt it.

no matter how hard i try.
no matter how much i express.
its just too late.
there is nth i can do now.
have i reached my fullest?
i think so.

love.
something that comes to you or moves away from you, without ur consent and acknowledgement.
something that builds and destroys happiness.
something that makes one laugh or cry.
something that one desire or hate.
something that everyone can't live without.

its taking its leave now.
in just 3 days time.
or less.

a countdown clock that i should create.
a change in status.
name.
position.
lifestyle.
habits.

i will stay optimistic.
but, how much longer?

Purely Writen by weiqi at 9:31 PM

Sunday, February 24, 2008

sigh.
i wish i could learn how to swollow.
every little minor stuff and things that are around me.

compromised.

it hurts.

Purely Writen by weiqi at 1:45 AM

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

vision of mine seems to be able to view the beauiful scenery ahead of me.
the warmth of the sun has dried the remains of a series of thunderstorms.
the sun rays have chased the cloudy clouds away.
warm wind that is blown seems to be embracing me,
and murmuring into my ears ' everything is goona be alright, don't worry.'
the rustling of the leaves seem to be consoling me 'things are getting better, no more tears ya.'
the brightly bloomed flowers, facing the blazing sun, seems to be telling me 'it will always be sunshine after the rain, never give up.'
a wonderful world.
everything seems to be falling into places.
but...
everything is just a facade.
a facade.

Purely Writen by weiqi at 11:58 PM

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Vday was memorable.
thanks clique for their support too. if not i wouldnt have done well.
^^
yanzi rocks.

thanks.
the effort that u have put in.
i am touched.

this week is totally hectic.
din even get enough rest during the weekend.
how am i going to survive through this coming week?
sigh.

growing up is part and parcel of life.
and sometimes, growing up, being a young adult can be such a pain.
so much to think about, so much to consider.
maybe life would be different if...
sigh.
the uncertainties and unknowns ahead are intimidating.
i dun wish to be bothered by them.
i need to stay positive.

i am scared.
if that day has to come, where will i stand in the future?
i dun wish to be forgotten.
i dun wish to be neglected.
i dun wish to be replaced.
but... they are just inevitable.
the closer people around you except me, will be the ones that u will remember.
the ones that guide you thru the darkest time.
the ones that supported you.
i dont see myself... anywhere.... be it near or far from u.

sigh.
tell me. where will i be?

Purely Writen by weiqi at 10:26 PM

Thursday, February 14, 2008

its V day.
happy valentine's day to all~

14th Feb 2008.
i wish time could just stop on this day.

Purely Writen by weiqi at 2:05 AM

Monday, February 11, 2008

勉强
下着雨，看着天，试着寻找一丝光芒
雨打在，我脸上，分不清楚是雨是泪
看着你，不了解，你脑海正浮现什么
我无奈，我无助，只能掩饰身上的伤

我们勉强着自己已多久
看不见幸福在你我身旁
也拥抱不到爱情的温度
之间只有冰冰冷冷的雪
勉强着爱情是一种负担
只会拖累彼此前进脚步
爱也已经看不见摸不着
勉强是延迟孤单的到来

what can be done when the fact and truth are disclosed?
should we wait for some miracle to happen?
or to create a dateline for ourselves?
how long more to that dateline?

being in the situation, i can understand the most.
i wouldnt want to push the blame or to put anyone at fault.
all i could say is... i tink i have done my best.
i can never understand wads with the gap.
cos its really up to both to bridge it.
if u refuse to, there is nth that i can do.
u should know.
u should understand it the most.
dun tell me 'i dont know'
dun tell me 'its up to u'
dun tell me 'maybe'
dun tell me 'perhaps'
cos its not possible for you not to know.

what is it that is lacking?
what is it that is hindering?
what is it that is stopping u?

i know nth.
wad am i supposed to do then?

Purely Writen by weiqi at 11:32 PM

Sunday, February 10, 2008

new year.
managed to get some rest, complete some assignments and do some visitng and meeting up.
its fun. and i enjoyed myself. ^^

this is the first time that i feel the happiness in a big family.
time passes really quickly.
here we are in 2008, watching the videos that were taken in 1993.
ah ma, all my uncles and aunties. their faces now and then have betrayed the time that was gone.
all my cousins. being young adults now, knows how to behave and treasures the little time that is avaliable during this special occasion. and all of us share alot.
it feels good to be part of them, part of the family.
but ironically, i hope i wasnt.

talking abt the videos, haha. i just couldnt stop laughing.
i didnt know that i love singing when i was just a K1 kid.
and i saw myself singing some songs that i do not know how to sing now.
and i am proud to say that i was on key ^^
and i just can't let go the mic.
i din know this part of my life actually existed.
i guess this is the only part of my childhood that was the sweetest.
what i could remember shouldnt be locked in my memory chest at all.
sigh.
in some part of the videos, i wasnt part of it.
i had missed so much fun that my cousins had together.
its all because of....
sigh.

on a lighter note, i am glad that i picked up singing once again.
i wouldnt say that i can sing well. but i guess its part of me.
from wad i can remember, i wasnt really interested in singing from p1 to p6. i guess.
thanks to yanzi.
i guess she is the one who sparks my interest once again.

appreciate my ah ma and my 2 aunties.
they shouldnt be doing this at all.
shouldnt u be feeling guilty?

wad do i want now?
wad do u want now?
sometimes, i could feel hints from the sky above, knocking me into senses.
but. what should i do exactly?
if i am not getting wad i want, shouldnt it be time for me to wake up from the fantasies that i am living in?

to ask me once more.
it will be 50-50

rainbow appears after the rain.
but they just dun stay.
thick clouds just disallow sun rays to penetrate through them.
was too naive. thought clouds will be blown away sooner or later.
but they just dun. so when will i see that sun ray once again?

am i doing what i really wish to do?
am i trying too hard?
or am i doing these from my bottom of my heart?
if they are just for show, and not appreciated, i dun have the energy that motivates me anymore.
if u know the feeling that i am experiencing, shouldnt u be there to comfort me.
shouldnt u move on from the past?
i am lost.
tell me wad else to do.
tell me when to stop.
tell me wad should the result be.
i dun wish to feel tired.
but i could feel i wouldnt be able to last any longer.
sigh.
give me a hand if u wish to.
let go of ur hand if u want to.
thats all that i can say.

Purely Writen by weiqi at 11:16 PM

Saturday, February 09, 2008

looking thru the past messages.
my heart aches.
thats wad has left me.
something that i will never be able to get it back. again.
yes. i need to move on.
but i really i really wish to say sorry.
not sure if i am in any fault.
but. thats fate i guess.

is it worth at all?

Purely Writen by weiqi at 8:53 PM

Sunday, February 03, 2008

i guess its time to review all lessons learnt.
overly mindful is being cruel to myself.
overly optimistic is blinding off the truth before me.
overly forgiving is deciving myself.
overly confident is being untrue to myself.

so much so of what i should not do.
what should i do then?

Purely Writen by weiqi at 12:09 AM

Friday, February 01, 2008

sometimes i really wish i could just hold my temper,
and making the unpleasant invisible.
but, i can't.
sorry.

i guess this will repeat the cycle again.
the ups and downs.
its been a long way to raise to this level.
is this a level of artificial or imaginary?
is this a level to comfort me?
is this a level just what can be provided to make me feel a little secured?
sigh.

tell me if i'm too rush
tell me if i'm unreasonable
tell me if i'm being such a fuss
tell me if u are tired... again.